Monday, January 30, 2012

White Flag

You think I find this easy? To lose you day by day and watch you slip into an altered reality where I don't exist? You think I enjoy the cocky comments and jokes that you make? You think I don't care?

Can't you see what you're doing to yourself? You're everything you told me you wouldn't be. What happened to all that you said to me? All the promises you made? Everything you stood for and believed in?

I don't even know who you are anymore and its killing me everyday to see you like that. I don't even exist to you anymore. Watching you do this to yourself tears me up. And there's nothing I can do about it.

Absolutely nothing.

Monday, January 16, 2012

A drugged thought

Why do I do this to myself?

Why do I listen to songs that remind me of you when the only thing I should be doing is forgetting you?
When my heart is too numb to be capable of love or anything like it, why are you tempting and testing me?
It takes a toll when you know what you want could destroy you. Break you into pieces and leave you lying there, unable to ever fix yourself. But without it, you're always aching for something.
It takes everything I have to be able to see you and talk to you like I used to while I die a little on the inside.

Sometimes I think that I like the ache in my heart when it knows that its lost the battle with my mind. To be able to look back and say, "That's life - you can't have your cake and eat it."

You're no piece of cake. But thats why you mean so much, don't you?

You're my drug. The drug that I'm trying to quit. I will probably quit. But for now, I'm still high on you.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Moments like these

She felt his breath on her neck as she held him like it was the last time she'd get to be in his arms. He stroked her hair as he held her like she was the most precious thing he owned. They stayed that way for what seemed like an entire lifetime and yet, it hardly lasted a moment.

He heard the honking and pulled away. He looked into her teary eyes and held back his. She smiled and stood on her toes; he bent down as she reached to kiss him on his forehead. She smiled as he picked up his bags and straightened his cap. He gave her hand a tight squeeze before he turned around to jog to the truck.

As the truck pulled away, he saw her wiping away a tear - the same time she saw him rub his eyes hoping she didn't see his tears.