Saturday, November 14, 2009

frozen in the moment..

As she walks away,

She longs to turn and look.

Look at the love in his eyes,

The yearning and the hope.

She fights back the lump in her throat,

And the urge to look at him.

“Just one last time,” she says,

And stops.

She turns around nervously,

Weary of what she’d see,

Her eyes scan the crowd,

But there’s no sight of him.

“He left! He didn’t wait?”

She becomes desperate,

Standing on her toes

and looking all around.

The lump in her throat vanishes

And tears stream down her face.

She was so sure he’d be there,

Always waiting, hoping patiently.

“What was I thinking?” she says,

Trying to make herself feel better,

Trying to erase those expectations.

She turns around,

Wanting to leave before

Her memory can capture any more of this moment.

But as she turns around,

Her heart skips a beat

And her mind goes blank.

Her reaction is instant,

She drops everything and runs

She runs into his arms,

Letting go of all her emotions.

“I’d never leave, even if you did” he says,

And holds her close.

The rest of the world goes on,

Too busy to notice them.

But her world stops turning,

And freezes in the moment.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Let go

I can feel it in my blood, flowing through every single vein in my body, pulsating with violent frustration. My whole body feels like its on fire and the tears streaming down my face are like the eruptions of a volcano, hot and destructive. The big lump in throat is not stopping my tongue from lashing out words that can kill in an instant.
I have waited patiently, I have understood, I've kept silent, I've supported, I've been hurt, I've tolerated. But no more. I've curbed myself for far too long, always saying, "some other time, when they're feeling better." And when I do finally say something, I suddenly appear demanding and insensitive.
And now, I let go. Fire erupts and anyone who comes close are bound to get hurt. I shut everything around me, so that nobody gets close. I let go of my sensitivity, I let go of my care, I let go of my love, I let go of my hurt, I let go of my anger, I let go of my tears, I let go of me.
I'm walking away, leaving my world burning.

And I feel strangely calm, rising out of the emptiness in me.