Just when you think that everything has finally settled down and you have all your plans chalked out, you get thrown off the track. And suddenly, you're lost. You're tired and frustrated and you find yourself going around in circles, not knowing where the track you laid out for yourself is. After searching for what seems like an eternity, you start wondering if you ever laid out a track at all. And there goes all your plans, confidence, clarity and sense of achievement. Just like that.
And you have no idea what hit you. But whatever it was, it hit you hard.
The first thing you do then is blame what hit you. "I had everything planned out!! I know what I was doing and where I was heading!!!!" You scream out in protest. "If only i hadn't been hit!! I would've been much better off!!" You continue.
Somewhere deep down you know it isn't anyone's fault and you are responsible for getting knocked out, but that's the last thing you want to accept. So you continue blaming everything around you and you continue walking around in cirlces, drowning in self pity.
I'm somewhere between blaming everything and walking around in circles. I can't see my track anywhere. And I'm still looking. I'm aware, but i still haven't gotten to accepting it.