Friday, June 11, 2010


When I think of my life, I always think of it as relationships. A zillion people I know, but only a few that I share relationships with. And somehow, these relationships stand out and define my past. I'm not someone who can be with myself a lot, and to admit it was a very scary thing to do. All my life, I've always done things to make someone else happy, to impress someone, to be accepted by someone else, to help someone, to be there for someone....Doing all this, I left myself behind somewhere. Maybe it was because I thought that the people I cared for would take care of me or maybe I just never thought.
Having moved away for the past few years and then come back, I've been unearthing all my past relationships. Some of them give me so much joy, make me laugh till my sides hurt and envelope me in a warm feeling - one of belonging. There are others that leave me confused because we both seem to have moved onto different tracks. And then, there are those relationships that haven't changed at all, but somewhere, deep inside of me, there's a fresh surge of emotion.
And yet, amidst all this, there are times when I feel incredibly lonely, lost and angry. A lot of my past is still so alive in me, because there haven't been closures. There are so many relationships that I can't seem to let go of, even though the others have left a long time ago.
I keep thinking that one day, I'll get what I want and then, none of this will ever matter. But will it, really? Will that one relationship give me so much love, so much support, so much power that I can let go of all my past unfinished ones? Does love like that even exist? Or is it just something I'm saying to myself to feel better?


  1. very true sweetheart. we sweet girls end up doin so much for so many people, assumin that our things will be done by others. and many a times, it doesn happen that way. and yeah, few relationships are very hard to get rid off. they are get rid off from life very easily. but from memories? well, only after drainin us totally i guess..

    u shall get that one relationship ur waitin for soon. and trust me, life will change for the better then.

    for the journey of life, its always nice to have co-travellers. for fun, frolic and a li'l bit of gettin sympathy when hurt. but like a plane needs a pilot n a co-pilot, u just need one partner to go all aong the way, forever and ever. :) that person will always mean the most in life, second to oneself though :)

    one mroe thing, love yourself. and the world will love u. when i had told my ex that i had done so many things for him that nobody else wud hve done and he had treated me so badly, and in the process i had forgone me very own needs, he told me that. there is no use tryin to impress someone. love urself. impress urself. and people will like u for what u are :)

  2. hi.. its so deep..
    atleast u bold to discuss these words..

    me read:
    there is two thing
    1) like
    2) love

    both have same emotions. same laugh, same interest etc etc..

    but a likeness fade - when the other differs in some opinions
    in love - here is no such conditions, it accept the other as it is..

    just reside out side of realtionships..
    u may feel love a day within ur self..
    then start sharing..

    enjoyed the reading..

  3. wonderful piece of writing...

    u have just echoed my thoughts n feelings...

    i am also in d search of tat one relationship tat'll make life happier if not perfect..

    but one thing i have realised for sure...until u love...until u trust n until u give u cannot expect to get back...

    so keep on givin n one de u will definitely get back ur due =)

  4. You know writing a personal blog and that too what happens in your personal life like getting love and all, you make fun of yourself. When I went through your posts I saw some months back you got your love and went gaga, then he left you and you broke down.

    People like you make fun of yourself writing such things. You open the ugly side of yourself a typical women character.

  5. Well Mr.Lawyerjourno,

    Being honest about one's emotions is not making fun of oneself. And yes, in case it hasn't dawned on you yet, love and heartbreaks are what humans go through!
    Don't let your logic interfere with your emotions. And if honestly looks like mockery, I pity you for holding such a belief.
    Everyone had an ugly side. You choose to hide it, and I choose to be frank about it

    And don't go around stereotyping women. Look at yourself and your insensitivity.

    If you have a problem with the blog, absolutely nobody is asking you to read it! Please leave, it wouldn't make a difference anyway!

  6. @lawyerjourno

    Are you really jobless enough to go reading blog entries you dont like and then comment on them expressing your displeasure?

    The thing about a blog like this is to express yourself to people who will give you their frank opinion without judging you, because they do not know you.

    And if you are going to flame someone, at least flame them using the Enlglish language correctly. I had to strain myself to even understand the useless manner in which you have written your comment. Your grammar sucks, your word usage is ridiculous and you have no idea how to modify nouns and adjectives.
    What a joke.

    She is expressing herself. Isn't it natural to break down after someone precious to you leaves you? If you think it isn't natural, then added to your pathetic language skills, you also have a heart of stone.

    YOU are the person making fun of YOURself with your failed attempts at trying to post an intellectual comment.

    It is you who are displaying you "ugly side". You are posting for the world to see that you stereotype people and are unable to sympathize, and that you are lame enough to post comments such as the one you just posted.

    But I'm not stereotyping see?

    Because those are not typical male traits.

    Its just you.

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. Dear lawerjourno,
    your comment makes no sense!! Obviously you haven't understood what Prerana has written and despite your lack of understanding and incomprehension chose to randomly give your two-bit opinion. You dont even know what she went through!!
    And seriously, what's with the stereotyping? How can you read one blog and say "typical women character" ? Really.
    Its as good as me saying all lawyer-journos are terrible writers based on your comment alone. I think that'd be very unfair.
    And what do you mean she's making fun of herself? She isnt writing this for you to critique. She's just sharing something she went through. And if you've ever loved, you'd understand this piece. But then again, you couldn't possibly have loved as deeply as she did so I apologize for expecting you to understand.
    If you dont like it, dont read it. Dont leave insensitive comments without even understanding.

  9. And interestingly enough, I took the trouble to read your "Diplomacy Times" and you know what I think of it? I think its absolute trash and you need to desperately get in touch with your high school English teacher and take some remedial lessons. Good luck with that.

  10. @ Kari

    That is fine with me, but I failed to see your brilliant writing skills in your blog - where are the great writeups mr or miss whoever you are!!

    When you are in blogosphere you are inviting public to read and comment otherwise go and get fucked in private room no body is going to bother you. When you are writing a blog to public to read you are in a brothel to entertain whoever comes first and pays you! The world is already full of bitchy women and the blog is no exception.