I spent two whole months away from you, healing and coming to terms with reality. I was so sure that I'd grown stronger, grown more mature and had finally moved on.
But then I saw you smile and make me feel special. I saw you care and I saw being there for me. And all those barriers that I'd built of strength to protect myself just melted away into non-existence. And I found myself as unprotected and as vulnerable as ever.
"This time it is going to be so different!" I thought, feel empowered and ready to give you all the love I have. I loved, without conditions. I heard those three magical words from you and I was lost in Utopia for the rest of the night. We wanted the same things and in my head, i pictured all this leading to something beautiful.
But I just ended up as broken, as empty and as lonely as I'd felt the last time. And the tears came streaming down my face. I felt weak and my eyes ached after those endless hours of tears. Shattered and broken pieces of my heart was strewn in corners I could not even reach.
I dreaded facing the "I-told-you-so"s and the numerous sympathy hugs and speeches.
Why did this happen all over again? It was supposed to be different, it was supposed to work out!
I love you dammit, what more can I give?