I'm long gone

I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be pulled out of my comfort zone and thrown to the far end. I was just fine without you in my life. I was fine doing what I thought was right.

And then everything I've known all my life turns out to be a lie. I feel like I'm floating in the deep ocean with absolutely nothing to hang onto. I have no idea which way I should go because I can't see land anywhere.

I didn't want to have emotions raging a war in me this soon. I didn't want you. I didn't want you to hold me that night. I didn't want you to let my hair down.

I don't even know you and you've already managed to start a war of emotions that I'm losing. I didn't want to cry, I didn't want to feel the familiar pains of love. No, I didn't want any of that.

I thought when I did finally let my heart go, I would be strong enough. I didn't want it snatched away and then thrown back to me.

Now I feel stupid. I feel weak. I feel sick in the stomach. I feel everything that I promised myself I would never feel because I thought I was better than that.

But you proved to me that I'm not.