frozen in the moment..

As she walks away,

She longs to turn and look.

Look at the love in his eyes,

The yearning and the hope.

She fights back the lump in her throat,

And the urge to look at him.

“Just one last time,” she says,

And stops.

She turns around nervously,

Weary of what she’d see,

Her eyes scan the crowd,

But there’s no sight of him.

“He left! He didn’t wait?”

She becomes desperate,

Standing on her toes

and looking all around.

The lump in her throat vanishes

And tears stream down her face.

She was so sure he’d be there,

Always waiting, hoping patiently.

“What was I thinking?” she says,

Trying to make herself feel better,

Trying to erase those expectations.

She turns around,

Wanting to leave before

Her memory can capture any more of this moment.

But as she turns around,

Her heart skips a beat

And her mind goes blank.

Her reaction is instant,

She drops everything and runs

She runs into his arms,

Letting go of all her emotions.

“I’d never leave, even if you did” he says,

And holds her close.

The rest of the world goes on,

Too busy to notice them.

But her world stops turning,

And freezes in the moment.

Let go

I can feel it in my blood, flowing through every single vein in my body, pulsating with violent frustration. My whole body feels like its on fire and the tears streaming down my face are like the eruptions of a volcano, hot and destructive. The big lump in throat is not stopping my tongue from lashing out words that can kill in an instant.

I have waited patiently, I have understood, I've kept silent, I've supported, I've been hurt, I've tolerated. But no more. I've curbed myself for far too long, always saying, "some other time, when they're feeling better." And when I do finally say something, I suddenly appear demanding and insensitive.

And now, I let go. Fire erupts and anyone who comes close are bound to get hurt. I shut everything around me, so that nobody gets close. I let go of my sensitivity, I let go of my care, I let go of my love, I let go of my hurt, I let go of my anger, I let go of my tears, I let go of me.

I'm walking away, leaving my world burning.

And I feel strangely calm, rising out of the emptiness in me.

Gunpowder explosions

It started off like a spark on a big sack of gunpowder. The minute I heard your voice at the other end, there was something that made me feel like it was the beginning of something.

I'm a strong believer in the fact that everything in this world happens for a reason. And you, my love, happened to me to let me know that I'm not alone.

I definitely saw sparks flying, and being overwhelmed, I let the sparks fall on the sacks of gunpowder.

Emotions were high, passion roared like a fire and everything else got lost behind the fire and the raging heat.

But the fire eventually died out, and when I looked around, I could hardly recognize where I was. Did I want this? Did I bring myself here? Why did it feel like I didn't want any of it anymore?

Looking at the mess around me, I suddenly wanted to run away. But there was something that held me back. While I stood there, being confused, trying to break out and run, I saw you cleaning up around me. And when I looked closely, I saw your watery eyes and broken heart. But you still stayed and cleaned. Everytime our eyes would meet, you'd always smile, hiding all that sorrow.

And then it hit me.

I just didn't want you, I needed you.

You chased away all the nightmares, you wiped away all my tears, you broke my invisible walls and you took my fragile heart in your hands to keep it safe. You found me.

And at that moment, all that I felt melted into oblivion. The mess suddenly didn't exist anymore.

There was just you and me.

And it didn't matter whether we were right for each other, or if what we had would last.

All that mattered was that we found each other.

And I'm not letting go, even if it means enduring a million explosions for you.

Broken thoughts

Its a weird feeling. One of numbness and emptiness.

I don't know what it is, or why its haunting me. I dig deeper, desperately trying to find the cause, but Its empty. Vacated.

I want to reach out to you, to let you know that I'm disturbed, but I open my mouth, only to realise that no one can hear me. My voice seems to have disappeared too.

I know I love you, but I don't feel it. I wish for wilder dreams, those that I know will probably bring me pain and disappointment in the end.

I'm confused and for the first time, have nothing to express. My thoughts are broken and I feel lost.

Maybe its change that I need. Or maybe its the past.

I'm lost and I suddenly don't remember why I started out on this path.

I don't want to turn back, but I don't have the energy to move on.

I'm stuck without a voice, without thoughts and without the strength to move on.

This is something I need to do on my own.

This is the path I chose.

This is the way I'll go.

A reality tale..

All this time, I kept dreaming of finding the right guy and living happily ever after! The typical fairytale ending, with "The end" written across the screen in beautiful cursive.
But not even for a moment did I think about what would happen after "The end".
Now that my "The end" got written across the screen, I'm just realizing that its actually just the beginning and definitely not the end.
The beginning of a roller coaster of emotions. Love, joy, excitement, adrenal rushes, overdrives, pain, separation, hurt, condolence, sacrifice and bliss. Suddenly, things are not as "happily ever after" as the fairy tales made it seem.
Now I know that I don't want a fairytale. I want to live. I want to feel every one of those emotions. I want to know what it means to love and live. I want to be with you.
And I'm willing to give this all it takes. I'm ready to go through the confusion, fear, the pain of separation and the judgments for you.
Because if this is what happens after "happily ever after", then I'm ready to take every bit of it.
And I know you are too.

So lets live our "here after", shall we?

end or beginning?

I think I just found my someone.

Someone

There are times when you wish you had someone to write love notes to;
Someone to call in the middle of the night because you couldn't fall asleep;
Someone's eyes to get lost in;
Someone to cuddle up with and watch the rain;
Someone to watch all your favourite cartoons with;
Someone to share a big hot cup of coffee with on a cold morning;
Someone to hug and stay close to;
Someone to make you feel special;
Someone to dress up for;
Someone's shoulder to lean on;
Someone to lean on your shoulder;
Someone to daydream about;
Someone to blush about;
Someone who makes your heart skip a beat;
Someone to tell you everything's going to be alright;
Someone to talk to with your eyes;
Someone to text the corniest messages to and still mean it;
Someone to eat what you make and say it tastes wonderful even if it doesn't;
Someone to think about just before you fall asleep;
Someone to send flowers to;
Someone to laugh with when you've made a complete fool of yourself;
Someone to hold hands with and walk down the beach;
Someone to love;

Someone to love you.