A heart in search..

He walked into the room, clutching a book in his hand.

It was empty. He looked around and saw the front door open. He ran out the door while a huge rock settled on his heart.

He yelled her name out a few times and looked around. He ran across all the cross streets but didn't see her anywhere.

He finally jogged to the beach, holding his tears back.

He saw her sitting there.

And the rock suddenly melted away and the tears fell.

Waves and tears

They stood across the room, looking at each other.

The silence was excruciatingly long and uncomfortable.

He opened his mouth to say something, hesitated a bit and then went quiet.

He turned away from her, opened the door and walked out.

She stood there, tears streaming down her face.

She picked up her bag and ran out the door, out of his house and onto the streets.

She ran till she reached the beach.

She kicked her sandals off and collapsed onto the sand.

Tonight, the sound of the waves and the cold sand comforted her.

A tear rolled off her cheek onto the sand.

Heart over the head

She sat on the edge of his bed, too scared to turn and look into his eyes.

How can I tell him? It is so wrong for me to even think like that! What if he gets uncomfortable? I'll ruin our friendship if I tell him. I can't. I just can't. But God! Why can't he see that we're meant to be? It is so obvious! We...

"You've been so silent! I know that head of yours must be over working, as usual! Tell me, what are you thinking about?" He pulled her to face him. Those hazel eyes pierced through her thoughts and her soul. She felt her insides melting.

"You must be sleepy! You look really tired to me" he said, gently brushing the hair off her face.

She nodded, being unable to open her mouth to answer his question.

I'm not sleepy! I'm far from being sleepy! I'm going crazy in this head of mine. I've gone down this path before and I've been hurt. Why can't I just let this go? Why am I doing this to myself? I should stop. I am not in love with him. He's my best friend. Thats all he is. No romance, no nothing. I'm....

"You should probably stop thinking so much. Come on, let it out! Talk to me!"

"I....Its.....Its nothing. Really. I was just thinking about...umm, home."

"Ha! I really find the fact that you think you can hide your thoughts from me very amusing!" he said, smirking.

She just sat there, avoiding those eyes.

How can I possible try to comprehend my feelings for you? How can I tell you that I believe that someday, you'll leave this very hot girlfriend of yours and come to me? How can i tell you that when you tell me you love me, my heart aches to know that its never as your girlfriend?

How...

"Fine. You come all the way to see me and you don't even want to tell me what you're thinking." His voice was tainted with frustration.

He got up and started walking towards the door.

He's leaving. I have to tell him! No, I shouldn't. He's in a relationship and he's very happy. I will not. I have to! No I don't. I can't. But...

"I love you."

He turned back to face her.

" Every time I say that, I wish you'd realize how much I mean it. When you brush the hair off my face, all I want to do is to lean forward and kiss you. When we go on long rides, all I want to do is to look at you and have you look back at me the same way. When we fight and make up, all I want to do is to rest my head on your shoulder. When I see you after a long time, I want to tackle you into the biggest hug I can give.

When we're in the car fighting about directions, I can't help but think how perfect we are. When I hold onto you while you ride the bike, I have bells ringing in my head! When you get annoyed because someone tried to make a pass at me, I feel protected.

Sometimes, when something's meant to be, you just know. And for the first time, I know - In our world, we define perfection. You and me."

He stood there, trying to take in everything she had just said.

She stood there anxiously waiting for him to say something.

Sand and water

She sat in awe as she listened to the waves crash on the shore. Her toes squirmed as they enjoyed the feeling of cold sand between them. She swayed to the music in her head. She smiled to herself.

Loneliness was something she'd always run away from before. But tonight, she enjoyed every second of it. She sighed in contentment as she closed her eyes and lay back on the sand.

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He panted as he ran along the shore. He'd set out later than usual for his evening jog so the beach was almost empty. He could hear the waves over the music he was listening to. His jog became a brisk walk and soon, he slowed down to a stroll. Every muscle in his body ached and his skin felt like it was on fire. He pulled the earphones out of his ears, kicked his shoes off and collapsed on the cold sand.

He just lay there for what seemed like an eternity.

Suddenly, he heard a tiny cough and jerked up. He looked around and saw someone lying just a few feet away from him, motionless.

"Umm, hello?" he said. He waited patiently for a response.

Nothing.

He got up and went to her side. Her eyes were closed and a few strands of hair blew gently across her face. She looked content, something he had probably never felt.

He sat in silent admiration for a while, just looking at her contented expression.

_______________________________

She opened her eyes slowly, expecting to see the starry sky. Instead, there was a face that was looking at her intently. Her expression morphed into one of fear and irritation.

"What the hell...?" She almost yelled as the face quickly looked away.

"What do you think you're doing?! Who the hell are you? Haven't you ever heard of giving people their privacy?! Are you mental??" The words all tumbled out as she brushed the sand from her clothes and got up in a hurry.

"You were just lying there! I was just making sure everything was okay! Before I could wake you up, you woke up yourself!" he said, slightly embarrassed, trying to defend himself while looking away.

As she stood there breathing heavily, she looked at the guy standing a few feet away from her. His height complemented his athletic build. She noticed he was bare feet and when she looked further, she saw his shoes lying in the sand.

She suddenly realized that he was looking at her, expecting a reply to something he had just said.

________________________________________

His face was hot with embarrassment and the tips of his fingers turned cold. She had woken up when he was looking at her. He had no clue why this bothered him so much but it did.

He'd bolted a few feet away from her as she rose in indignation. He answered her annoyed questions, getting very defensive.

He stood facing away from her. He turned a little and looked at her out of the corner of his eyes. She was standing there as mortified as him. Her expressions were a queer mixture of amusement and confusion.

He turned around to face her and looked at her expectantly.

She fumbled and turned away. She took a few steps and then hesitated. She turned around to look at him.

"We...well, just don't scare people like that again!!"

And then she turned and walked away, without waiting for a reply.

And he just stood there, trying to figure out if it was a grin he'd seen on her face as she walked away from him.

Inbox(1)

She sat in a corner, wiping her tears away. She had to be strong and pull through.

Stay strong for what? To get crushed again? To hope and then to fall and hurt myself? I don't even know what I want! I don't even know who I'm becoming! I can't stand staying here for another minute. I....

Her phone buzzed. She picked it up to find a new message.

Sup?

Sup? I haven't spoken to him in a week and he couldn't find a better time to text. Brilliant. I don't want to reply! But I still want him to know I'm feeling horrid. I wish he was around, he'd make things better. He's such an ass. But he's my best friend. I don't want to make him mad by not replying. What if.....

So guess what? I'm at that Italian Restaurant that we went to the other day.

I'm sitting here and going through existential crisis and all he has to say to me is that he's in some restaurant?! I want to be back in Chennai. God, I miss that place so much, I miss the beach. I'd always go to the beach when I had to deal with myself. He'd come too. I miss him now. Oh god, not again, I can't keep getting.....

Hello?? Fell off the face of the Earth?

Bloody hell! Fell off the face of the Earth??!?! Who says that to someone who's weeping her heart out?! Well, yeah, he doesn't know that but....argh! Now he's annoying me!

But before she could send an annoyed reply, her phone buzzed with another message.

I just realized that the food here is pretty bad. I guess the last time, you were here. I never paid attention to the food. I miss you.

She smiled and the tears fell again but this time, she didn't wipe them away.

Two worlds

He ran across the court, dribbling the ball by his side. He blocked and took a tough shot at the basket. The ball balanced precariously on the ring as every single player stopped to watch it. As everyone gasped, it fell in, making him the star of the match. The girls who were sitting on the bleachers erupted in Ooh's and Aah's while his team mates ran up to pat him on the back. He was pretty excited and looked around at all the people cheering for him. As he was looking away, a girl at the end of the bleachers caught his sight. She had her earphones plugged and looked completely lost in a small thick book that she was reading. He found himself getting slightly annoyed at her lack of interest in what he'd just achieved. He turned around and started running across the court. He looked up at her again and saw her smiling at the book - and he found himself smiling at that.

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She sat at the far end of the bleachers, away from the rest of the girls who were there just to cheer on the guys playing. She had a free period and the library was closed so she found herself a shady spot and settled down. She plugged her earphones in and ruffled through the pages of her novel, trying to find the page she'd stopped on. There was a lot of cheering happening but the music drowned it out. She found the page and started reading, blissfully ignoring everything happening around her.

A loud cheer and the annoying giggling of the girls nearby made her look up. She saw a boy on the court looking particularly pleased with himself and the rest of the team patting him on the back. She almost immediately went back to her book, assuming that he'd just shot a basket. She found herself smiling at all the cheering and yelling the girls were doing. She looked up again and saw the boy running across the court. As he turned around to face her, she went back to reading from where she'd left off, still smiling at the amusement she'd witnessed.

Not-so-perfect Plan

Its so easy to think with your head; it's equally as easy to feel with your heart.

But what happens when you try to think with your heart and feel with your head?

Confusion. A lot. You think you know what you want but apparently you don't. You promise yourself and justify very convincingly that you won't be feeling any of these emotions but you do anyway.

Segregation. You think, "No emotions involved! Of course, now that I've said it, it's not going to happen!" If only it was that easy. So then you're overwhelmed by emotions and suddenly you realize that your "perfect plan" isn't really perfect. Perfectly idiotic maybe, but not perfect.

When you finally see the fact that you've been stupid by thinking- even for a split second-that you can control your heart and think with it, the feeling of annoyance is overwhelming.

And then somewhere, deep down inside, the void that you wanted to fill with this "perfect plan" re-emerges.

At the end of the day, you're left with emotions you don't want to deal with, a hurt ego, a defeated brain, a void that's threatening to eat up your insides and a not-so-perfect plan.

Note to self: Plan needs correction. BIG TIME.